Exploding Some Myths About Smokers

There are some crazy things that non-smokers believe about smokers. The first is that somehow we are completely unaware that smoking is bad for our health. I wish I had a quid for every time some self-righteous non-smoker tried to educate me about what cigarettes do to my health. As If I’ve been living under a rock all of my life! Oh, no, please – enthrall me with your acumen about what my lungs look like just at this moment.

I hate non-smokers. I hate the way they look at smokers. I hate the way they wrinkle their perfect little lips when they smell cigarette smoke. I hate the way the whisper behind my back to their perfect little friends. I hate them so much because I wish I was one of them. No one seems to understand my smoking addiction.

The second myth is that smokers only smoke just because we are imitating our role models. As if people addicted to smoking are so dependent on bone-headed, filthy-rich actors and rock stars to give us direction in our lives. What really kills me is when a non-smoker starts griping at me that trying to make smoking “glamorous” to kids. Yeah, all us smokers are in a big secret society like the Illuminati. If you and a smoker want to freak people out, do a weird handshake in public and then watch the non-smokers’ heads explode.

What Withdrawal Symptoms are Like

What really kills me is all these non-smokers who feel the need to lecture to me about the evils of smoking when they are drinking coffee and eating a donut. You want to have me listen to you? Just try quitting sugar and caffeine cold turkey and see how much smoking is a problem of willpower and being brainwashed by tobacco advertisements. The withdrawal symptoms will have you screaming for your Mommy in less than 24 hours.

Smoking addiction withdrawal symptoms make swine flu look like a summer picnic. It’s like getting hit by a truck – only you don’t have the convenience of visible injuries so you can get some help. No one wants to know you when you try to quit smoking. You don’t want to know nobody, either – unless they’re bringing you some smokes and a lighter. You get the worst headache ever and can’t sit still. If you try to sit still, the pain gets you twitching.

Quitting is Not So Simple

I keep getting told that the best way of quitting smoking is to go cold turkey. Just do it and all that malarkey. I keep told things like to eat crunchy vegetables whenever I want a smoke, to keep busy so I won’t think about smoking. Like a smoker is going to think about something else other than smoking when the nic fits hit. Trust me – if someone (not me) walked up to you and punched you in the face, are you going to honestly NOT think about getting punched in the face?